After a traumatic birth, Maggie the calf (apologies to Tennessee Williams) was finally dragged into the world from her mother, Mary Jane. Readers may recall that Mary Jane was the psycho cow that nearly killed my husband and was like a bull on steroids. Sadly (or not so sadly, depending on your point of view), she lost her battle with life and passed away a week after the birth. Trying to round up and separate a week-old, eighty pound calf from its dead mother is a lot easier said than done.  

As usual, I was dressed in the office best, and alone.  Why it never occurs to be to don more appropriate attire and wait for help is a question Florida's finest mental health professionals have failed to answer.  Where the hell is everybody when I need them?  It took a good, exhausting, sweaty hour but eventually I got little Maggie in the safest pen, the chicken pen.  Then the fun started. It's not like the movies where you bring out a bottle and the calf sucks enthusiastically, its little tail wagging. No!  I had to physically pin her to the wall, force her jaws open and try and squirt some of the life saving liquid down there.   At such a tender age, calves really need about two quarts per feed.  She eventually drank about one quart, and I wore the other.

It didn't take long though for Maggie to become demanding and the feeds increased to two gallons a day. I only wear about a pint a day now. But we are not bonding. Strange. The last baby, Faye, was gentle and loving. Maggie is aggressive and bloody-minded. I fear that she may have inherited her mother's bitchy personality and tendency for mayhem and has the potential to be even more dangerous. At two weeks, for no reason, she turned and kicked me square on the shin.  Yes, a calf is strong, and it hurts!  Now, I am a fairly reasonable person, and anyone can make a mistake, but this has become a habit.   The trouble is, recovering from pneumonia as I am, I just don't have the reflexes or strength to kick back, which is what should happen. She even kicked a chicken, sending it sailing through the air.

What to do...?